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The Fishmasters Interview original appeared in New Times, Vol. 9, No. 36, May 17-24, 1995. |
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EDITOR'S NOTE: New Times recently caught up with the Fishmasters at the taping of their popular fishing program in a remote San Luis Obispo County location. They consented to an interview-their first ever-only after we removed the distributor cap from their pickup truck. The following is not a news story.
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New Times: I've been watching "Fishmasters" for a couple years, and I
don't think I've ever seen you actually catch a fish. You know, get it out of the
water and into the boat. You've had a couple on the line, but they always seem
to get away. Have you ever thought about doing maybe a cooking show or a
home-improvement show instead?
Fishmaster of Lesser Intelligence (FLI): He don't like us! Fishmaster: What is this, a witch hunt? I thought this was an interview, not a condemnation of our program. I don't think you've seen all of the episodes because there's plenty where we reel them in one after another, catch a fish every five minutes. FLI: Hey, he know we don't catch no fish! Fishmaster: We catch lots of fish. We don't film those parts, because then it would be just like any other fishing show. This way, we catch the fish, but then we edit that part out so that it's not like every other fishing show. We're unique and original. Except on those shows that you obviously haven't seen where we've caught a lot of fish and we left that part in. New Times: There was a show once where you caught a fish accidentally. Fishmaster: That was on purpose. New Times: OK. Let's move on. The Fishmaster of slightly lesser intelligence seems to be getting progressively less intelligent. Have you ever taken him in for testing? Fishmaster: Yeah, we have. Actually I had him tested, and it turns out he's not getting progressively dumber. It's just that on a few episodes he has brief, intermittent flashes of reason. And that comes from a combination of less Fishmaster Brew and more Jerky Treats for Dogs. A combination of those two factors creates some kind of a chemical imbalance that gives him brief moments of what appears to be intelligence. FLI: Every time I see a doctor for testing, they tell me to take my clothes off! I won't do it! They just want to see me naked! Fishmaster: Could you ask another question? New Times: Does he ever take that life preserver off? FLI: Yeah, and you know what for? One thing! I take it off for one thing! And that's so I can get my shirt on! New Times: Fishmaster, you've had several brushes with fame. Last year you recorded a rap song as MC Fish, and it soared to the top of the charts. More recently, you flirted with stardom as a supermodel. But by the next week, you're always back in the boat with the dumb guy. What seems to be the problem? Fishmaster: The problem with what? New Times: Despite the intensity of your focus on fishing techniques, I've noticed you still manage to get the occasional gorgeous model on the show in a bikini. How do you respond to the criticism from feminist groups that these extremely hot-looking, nearly nude young women really have no place on a fishing show? Fishmaster (to FLI): Do you want to field this one? FLI: I don't like girls in bikinis! They should stay in long dresses at home and watch the children! That'll make the feminists happy then! They won't be seeing them girls in bikinis! |
Fishmaster: They should be at home barefoot and pregnant. FLI: Yeah! New Times: Well, is it an accident you have these models on the show? Fishmaster: Generally they're just drawn to us. New Times: How does your wife, Lulu, feel about that? Fishmaster: Um. She doesn't know about that. FLI: Uh-huh! She reads! She reads a lot! Fishmaster: She doesn't read New Times. She sticks to the Weekly World News. New Times: How come Lulu's never been on the show? Fishmaster: Oh, you don't want to see that. New Times: I've seen the crowd reaction you two inspire wherever you go. How do you cope with the groupies? Fishmaster: Again, Lulu might somehow get ahold of this particular paper, so I don't want to go into any details about groupies. Not that there are any, but if there were. FLI: She beats the crap out of him when she finds out! You should see her lay into him! Man, oh man! Pow! New Times: Fishmaster Brew seems to be you biggest sponsor. I hoped to contact the manufacturer for this article, but I haven't been able to locate them anywhere. The can doesn't have an address printed on it. What's the deal here? Fishmaster: We have no connection whatsoever with Fishmaster Brew. FLI: *Burp!* Fishmaster: The name is just a coincidence, and the fact that it's in our show is another coincidence. We have nothing to do with that particular beverage. New Times: So you wouldn't know how they give Fishmaster Brew that salmon flavor? Fishmaster: I'm not even sure of the name of the beverage you're referring to. New Times: What was it like working with Country Dick Montana, the lead singer for the Beat Farmers, who appeared on a recent show and who, it turns out, is a distant cousin? Fishmaster: He's asked me not to talk about him in any way of say that I know him. New Times: Who have been your biggest influences? FLI: We're not under the influence right now! New Times: What lies ahead for "Fishmasters" Fishmaster: More great fishing adventure. |
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